Many newspapers carry movie reviews that are published especially for parents who want to know if films rated from “G” to “PG-13” have content that might be offensive or disturbing to children. Some of the reviewers, perhaps bored by the task, fashion rather colorful and graphic warnings. I have been collecting these items for a few years, and here are a bunch of them.

• adulterous couple in bed, but not a sexual situation
• all manner of nasty, bone crushing, eye-popping boa crunches
• amusement park ride based on Jack The Ripper
• babies stalked by scary leopard
• baby about to have umbilical cord cut
• bad guy shoots head off lifelike talking doll
• blind ferret walks into walls
• bobblehead dolls of Mother Theresa
• character expires on toilet
• colorectal humor
• comically implied evening of group sex with hallucinogenic tea
• corpse fed to vultures
• crude gag involving cow hanging from helicopter
• dead dog with screwdriver in its neck
• discussion of how he put a lightbulb in his behind
• doctors harvest organs from fleeing corpse
• flatulent horseflies
• gross scene in which a cellphone is retrieved from a cow’s behind
• heavy, scrawny, homely characters filmed exploitatively
• huge threatening mechanized thumbs
• joke that someone’s testicles will fall off
• kissing scene leads to preliminary undress, with implication that a sexual situation may follow
• live chess pieces
• moment in which a hurled corn-on-the-cob embeds in someone’s eye socket
• nasty diarrhea prank
• nightmarishly bad daycare centers could scare tots
• preserved fetus of indeterminate species
• reindeer Comet has gas
• snarling dog bites man in crotch
• subplot about gay canines
• talk of intestinal purges
• touch of necrophilia
• veterinarian helping impotent bull
• vomiting by a teacher
• one kid gets stretched out like taffy, another is swarmed by squirrels, another bloated into a giant blueberry — they all survive
• flying witches with ravaged faces and talons, huge flying wolves, swarming bugs, looming crows, children abducted, later appearing drowned or in death-like trances, stabbings, shootings, attempted burnings (all in one movie!)