I call this section Dumb Ideas for a reason that will become immediately obvious. I often think of these things during my wacky weekly breakfast conversations with my best friend in North Adams.

Salad bars in funeral homes

“While you’re waiting, help yourself to our bountiful salad bar. You’ll love our house dressing.”

Non-alcoholic vodka

“Moscow nights were never lovelier, AND SAFER!”

Outlet stores at nuclear power plants

“The Nuke Store, open now at Sea View Nuclear Station! For all your nuclear power needs, at up to half the price. We’ve got T-shirts, mugs and postcards, too.”

Translucent bathing suits

“Modesty, but without the tan lines.”

Caffeinated baby food

“Bored with your baby? Does he sleep too much? Try BABY AWAKE! formula and baby food. Each serving size contains as much caffeine as a cup of brewed coffee. Baby will want to play all day. And all night, too!”

Bubble gum for dogs
Here it is, finally! Surprise your pooch with Bubble Pup, the new bubble gum for dogs. Teach him or her to blow bubbles. Only takes weeks.

* Just follow our easy-to-understand instructions. Amaze your friends and family. Comes in three doggy-pleasing flavors: liver, hamburger and chicken. *Results not typical